Today was definitely a bit of an odd session, with more than a few anomalies, including some of the fastest games (with lowest shot totals and worst save percentage) in Burton Hockey history, but also one game with some of the highest shot totals and one of the most outstanding goaltending performances ever. In the end though, one thing that we discovered was not an anomaly was Pat as he ruled the day once again, with his team winning every single game.

The initial teams pitted Pat, Rob, Melvin and Lorne (G) against Tony, Ollie, Sam, Bernie and Joern (G). Pat's team won quickly and easily with a 5-0 route. Bernie was subsequently shifted, in an attempt to even up the team, but this had virtually no effect, as Team Pat won again in dominating fashion (5-1). After this it was decided to try these teams again but with goalies switched, which at first seemed to work as it produced the closest game of the day, with Team Pat ekeing out a 5-4 sudden death victory.

The next two games will probably go down in Burton Hockey history as two of the games with the lowest shot totals, ever. These games featured new teams with Team Pat winning both games 5-0. Only 7 shots (total for both teams) were recorded in the first game, and only 8 in the second game. It should be noted, however, that these shot totals are under formal protest by Lorne Bilinski, who was the goalie on the losing team (and subsequently recorded an almost impossibly bad save percentage in these two games). It should also be noted that Lorne completely redeemed himself with one of the best goaltending performances in Burton Hockey history in the last game. Also of note, Tony being so frustrated at being on the losing team the entire day, sat out virtually the entire second game.

Teams were once again changed, featuring Rob, Sam, Tony and Lorne (G) against Ollie, Bernie, Pat, Melvin and Joern (G). After a 5-1 route, it was suggested by someone on team Lorne that they needed a chance to redeem themselves; Bernie laughed at this, as the last couple of times someone (aka Lorne) suggested a redemption game, the team said team lost even worse than the original game. Rob however, decided to not only take on the challenge but to up it to a whole new level by putting a monetary wager of (between him and Bernie) on the game. The wager invigorated everyone's sense of pride, giving Team Lorne new life and creating one of the longest, most intense games, VRH has seen in some time. Team Rob got off to an early 2-0 lead, but Team Bernie clawed their way back and eventually gained a 4-3 lead. At this point the Bilinskinator took over the game making unbelievable save after unbelievable save to keep his team in it. But eventually the relentless pressure was too much and Pat put the game away.

Hey Kyle, do me a favour and add this (below) to the write-up, wherever you see fit. It's too awesome/hilarious not to have immortalised on burtonhockey.com (notice I changed the VHL's to VRH's).

A Burton Hockey Wrap (Sic) by the HornStar himself:

Yo yo yo...1 2 1 2

check it....after 6 long weeks we're back
getting this motha f**king VRH back on track

We got the oKK he's back in town
he's done ridin' horses so f***k you, yo stupid ass clown

We got the BKK
and he's feeling A ok
He's got new wheels and will be shootin' away
You won't know what hit ya when this mothaf***a hits ya
so step aside before I f**k yo sista

You think that J-spooge is a skinny rat
Yo let me tell you he's the oposite of that
You betta watch the f**k outsta
or that that 120 pound frame is gonna smash ya through the boardsta

Then we got the Shoota the LB B I L I N S K Iiii
strapping on the pads ...wait you will see
that big bro; moves so fast you can hardly be
catchin' yo shots right outta mid air
he's gonna f**k you up cuz he just don't care

and last but not least we got that Hornstar
you think you can score but you simply wonsta
His 5-closes tight like yo momma's rug
so take back what you say bout this motha f***in' thug

Like I said it's been a while
but now the originals are back in style

The VRH is back again
at Ambleside.....yeah that's right
you heard me n***a....at Ambleside

Thanks, Bern! I had no idea Joern was such a huge Missy Elliott fan. Without a doubt, this is pretty much the most lopsided boxscore ever submitted to Burton Hockey, one that had your humble statistician triple-checking his stats just to make sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him. Pat whitewashed the competition with 21 goals and eight assists for 29 points on just 54 shots. That is 264 percent more points than the next nearest players (Sam and rookie Melvin both tie for second at a distant eleven points; Sam taking a cue from one of Simon Hilton’s old sessions, apparently). Even with three shutouts between them, neither goalie got near .800; Joern posted two donuts en route to .785 versus Lorne’s .730. Just annihilation from Pat all day.

Here are the game scores:
Pat Rob Melvin Lorne def. Tony Oliver Sam Bernie Lorne 5-0 5-1
Pat Rob Melvin Bernie Joern def. Tony Oliver Sam Lorne 5-4 5-2
Pat Melvin Sam Joern def. Rob Tony Bernie Oliver Lorne 5-0 5-0
Oliver Bernie Pat Melvin def. Rob Sam Tony Lorne 5-1 5-3

Season Stats: Not much to mention scoring-wise; Rob passes Troy for ninth in points and Bernie needs seven points for 100. Tony enters the top 15 in points. Pat passes K.J. and Oliver for sixth in goals and passes 100. Oliver needs one goal for 100. Pat jumps to over 31% in shooting percentage. Tony falls from second to fourth in shooting percentage. Lorne falls out of the top ten in save percantage but stays above .800. Lorne passes Lyle for fourth in saves. Bernie passes Shem and Stefan for fourth in games played and needs one game for 100 on the year. Joern passes Shem for second in games goaltended and Lorne passes Lyle for fifth. Joern passes Lyle for second in shutouts and is one behind Bron for the lead; Lorne posts his first shutout of the year. Pat moves up to fifth in three-star points. Tony plummets from the top five in GPG. Pat falls behind Kyle to third in shots-per-game. Pat’s 29 points tie for fourth-best in a session this year; his 21 goals tie for third-best.

On the all-time front: Bernie is seven points ahead of Seamus for fifth all-time. Pat enters the top twenty. Oliver needs seven goals for 600. Bernie becomes the eighth player to score 400 goals. Pat goes over 100. Oliver is 25 shots-on-goal behind Lorne for second all-time. Bernie needs 46 shots for 2,000. Pat’s all-time shooting percentage goes over 30 percent. Joern becomes the fourth player to play 500 games. Joern ties Bron for second in career shutouts with eleven, two behind Nathan. Pat has four consecutive ten-goal sessions. He ties Lorne and Robert for the all-time lead in consecutive 15-goal sessions with four. He also becomes the first player ever to post back-to-back 20-goal sessions and is the only person besides Joe to have three. Tony’s ten-assister streak ends at two. Pat has six straight 15-pointers, four straight 20-pointers, and back-to-back 25-pointers. Lorne records his sixth straight 80-save session. His 90-save session streak ends at a record-tying five, and his 100-save streak ends at four sessions. Oliver plays his 31st consecutive session and ties Bernie for the second longest streak of all-time, three behind his own record of 2000-02. Bernie plays his eleventh straight and Rob plays his fifth. Stefan’s streak ends at seven. Oliver’s 137 games played this year is the fifth-highest mark in a single season ever.

SDF/GDF: The rankings will not be final until the completion of the BUSH session Sunday evening. Needless to say, Pat will move way up and pretty much everyone else from today will go down.

Don’t forget check out those Records and Honours on the Links page before you leave. BUSH plans to battle through thunderstorms to bring you action Sunday.